She Can Never Know
by Laura8881
Summary: Derek's feelings on Casey. And now Casey's feelings as well. Oh, and finally a tiny bit of action. I decided to continue this, was previously intended to be a oneshot.
1. Chapter 1

Author's Note: Alright, this is my first LWD story. It's only the second chapter I've ever written of fanfiction, so please view my writing as a work in progress. Constructive criticism is highly appreciated, but no flames please. I haven't decided whether I will continue this story or not, it depends on whether I feel after reviews that it's worth it.

She was perfect. She was so perfect. She was the only thing I wanted. And the only thing I couldn't have. It wasn't that she was beautiful. She was, but there was more to it than that. This was an attraction that was beyond physical. It was even deeper than emotional. On some level, this was spiritual. That's the only way I can describe her: an angel. She was so good. She never put herself first. She cared more about her family, except for me of course, than anyone I've ever met. She was fiercely loyal. She was passionate, kind, intelligent, witty, and too perfect for words. Except she never saw it. She never saw any of it.

I don't know when I fell in love with her. It wasn't a sudden thing. It was gradual. I won't deny that when she first moved in I disliked her. It wasn't because of her though. It was me. She was the perfect child that my father had never had. I was the screw-up. She got the perfect grades. I was jealous. And so, I resolved to hate her. I tried to convince myself that I did. It never worked though. I was kidding myself. I don't know when I started feeling more than indifference and even annoyance though. At one point I started accepting her quirks. I even liked them. But I needed to suppress these feelings. So I tortured her. I actually deceived myself into thinking that I hated her. Until Sam started liking her.

Then it changed. Suddenly I couldn't hide my jealousy anymore. I tried convincing myself that it was merely being protective of a family member. I was kidding myself. Casey wasn't family. And it wasn't being protective. I loved her. And then I started being even crueler to her. On some level it was because I needed to hide my newfound feelings. On another it was because I wanted her to notice me. Only she never did. At least not in the way I wanted. I started getting sleepless nights. I even cried myself to bed. Yes, you heard right, I cried. Over a girl. But I couldn't help it. At one point, I understood that I needed to change. I started laying off a bit. And when Sam cheated on her, I was the one who stood by her. I was her shoulder to cry on for hours at night. I would sit there, stroking her hair, telling her that it was ok, that she would love again. That she was too good for him. She was too good for anyone, much too good for me, but I never voiced that. I knew I couldn't hurt her when she was so vulnerable.

So I was kind. We had less fights around the house. We would watch movies together. I even stopped dating. It felt like betrayal. And we even became friends. Friends. That was the problem. Through all of this, I could see that Casey liked the new me better. But, I know that's all I will ever be to her. A stepbrother, a friend. And that's what hurts so much. That she could never love me back. It's the reason I can't tell her. It's not because of what Dad and Nora would think. It's not because of what everyone at school would think. It's because of what Casey would think. She would hate me. She would never share popcorn while sitting in front of the tv with me on Saturday again. She would tell me that it could never be, tell me to date different people, to forget this. She would forget it ever happened. She would ignore me. And somehow, that would be even worse than this current role of being solely her friend. And that's why I can never tell her. Maybe these feelings will fade eventually. I wouldn't know how long love lasts, I've never been in love before. Maybe, I'll forget about her. But I know I won't. But I can never tell her.


	2. Chapter 2

Author's Note: Ok, so I decided to continue this. This is a rather short chapter, I know, but give me a break it's 2 in the morning. There will be some action eventually, either in the next chapter or the one after that. To my lovely reviewers:

xChryseisx: Thank you! I realize I made her a bit ooc, but it isn't my point of view, it's Derek's. And for the sake of story I decided to put it in. I do agree with you.

Iluvwoodstock: Thank you! There is more. 

Ok, Chapter 2:

He wasn't my ideal guy. Or at least not at first. He now haunts my every dream and waking moment. But that's moving a bit ahead of myself. Where was I? Oh yes, the beginning. I won't deny that there was some physical attraction. But that was it. I loathed him. With every fiber of my being. It was simple. We fought. We hated each other. It was all so clear-cut. No problems. No confusion. Until he threw me a curveball.

When Sam and I split up, everything changed. It was amazing we had even gone out in the first place, considering The Derek hadn't approved. Why, I do not know. Well, when I caught Sam cheating on me, I was crushed. Except then Derek stepped in. He was actually nice to me. He was kind, compassionate, so caring. He was the one who sat up with me at night while I went through box after box of tissues. He watched romantic movies with me to make me feel better. He told me I would love again. And slowly, I started believing that. Because it was happening. I was falling in love again. Except I wasn't allowed to have these feelings. Sure, it wasn't incest or anything, but it wasn't right. Except it felt so right. Well, it did in my dreams. Not that it was ever going to happen in reality.

Why would it not happen you ask? Because I didn't mean squat to him. Nothing. Sure, he was being nice, but that was probably so that Mom and George would see him in a more kindly light and give him a new car or something. Or at most it was because he was tired of fighting and wanted to be friends. Friends. What a horrible word.

That's when I decided. It wasn't going to happen for me and Derek. I needed to forget him. I needed another guy in my life. Maybe I would give Sam another chance. He was the nicest guy, aside from the guy of my dreams, that I knew. Sure, he made a mistake, but he is a hormonal teenage boy. Maybe, I would try again. I needed this. It was the only way to clear my mind. I decided. I was going to call Sam tonight.


	3. Chapter 3

Author's Note: Hi! Ok, I'm sorry it's taken me this long to update. If anyone has read my profile, which is doubtful, but either way, you know that I am a major nerd. And school comes first for me. And I have had so much homework this week (and tons more this weekend) that it's insane. I got home from school today and I laid down on the couch and I seriously fell asleep and slept for two hours not even intending to. I was so tired. Anyway, that's my story. Alright, I'm going to respond to all reviewers.

xChryseisx: Thank you for your reviews! I realize that Casey is a bit OOC, and I'm working on it. But this is like my second story ever, and I don't know if I even want to continue the first one which has one chapter, so essentially this coming chapter is only my fourth ever chapter of fanfiction. And I've never done creative writing or anything, so really this is my first attempt in a whole new type of literature, I'm used to writing essays only. So, I'm working on fixing that, slowly but surely, and I hope that that gets better as my writing progresses. Thank you for all your encouragement and constructive criticism!

iluvwoodstock: Thank you!

TriXter21: Thanks! It's turning out to be. Though there won't be many chapters, maybe one or two after this.

iluvhsm-Sprntrl-LWD-Sville1...: Lol, nothing that drastic I promise. It's a fluffy story.

Alright, after this there will only be one or two chapters. I'm leaning towards one, it depends how long the next one is though. Considering my penchant for short writing, it will most likely be one chapter. Oh, this whole chapter is from Derek's point of view, if that isn't obvious. Anyway, enjoy!

I changed my mind. I couldn't live this lie. I had to tell her. I realized that this would ruin my life forever, but somehow I had to do it. I would never get back my first love. My heart would be broken. But I knew that it wouldn't go away. I know I had said it would. I was wrong. What is that quote? "True love lasts a lifetime"? Well, it's right. I had to tell Casey. If I was rejected, or rather, when I was rejected, it would be easier to move on. Otherwise there would always be that .0001 piece of hope left over.

But what would this do to our family? To her? If no one knew, I could live with it. But what if Casey knew? She would never want to be my friend again. She would be creeped out. I was her stepbrother, for God's sake! She would hate me. Damn. This was all too complicated. And seriously, wouldn't people be able to tell that something between us had changed. Our parents would. No. Not our parents. My dad, her mom. That tiny piece of hope was still existent. Our siblings? I'm pretty sure that Ed knew anyway. He always looked at me so knowingly. It's not like he didn't have experience with it. He had a crush on Lizzie. It was obvious. Though he would die before admitting it. But I'm rambling.

I guess there was a difference between Ed and I, I knew I had to tell Casey. I couldn't live like this. It might tear us apart. It's not like she would care. And if she did, let her be angry. It would all be her fault. So I resolved to tell her. I had to. When had I ever been selfless?

I walked towards Casey's room. I kept questioning myself over and over, if I was sure I wanted to do this. I stood in front of her door. Still time to turn back I told myself.

I walked through the door without even bothering to knock. Again, when had I ever done that. Casey was sitting on her bed with her back turned. She was clearly on the phone.

"…I'm sorry too, Sam. It wasn't just you, I was at fault too. I was too much of a control-freak. I made you change. I wanted us to spend all our time together, and I never realized how it was tearing your friendships apart. I promise I'll change. I want to give this another try…"

I stood there frozen. Then I slowly backed out of the room.


End file.
